Saturday, December 15, 2012

On Becoming a Trophy Wife

I remember meeting my husbands family and getting to know his sisters when we were first dating.  It was so intimidating to meet a family with so many amazing women.  It seemed like they were all tall, thin, dancers, with perfect style, and perfect hair, with two kids each. Their children were very well behaved, better behaved than I was. The women were all responsible, and fed their kids vegetables, and had nice homes, and they did everything with grace and smiles.

One time I even said to him, "Why do you like me, I am nothing like your sisters.  I don't do anything like they do, I am totally different from your family."  I expected him to suddenly shake off his love goggles, and realize that he was dating me.  Me, the free spirited, crazy, singing in the shower, prank pulling, no helmet wearing, irresponsible, surfer who liked making fun of people.  But no, instead he said, "I don't want to marry someone like my sisters.  I want to marry you."  Don't get me wrong, I liked myself the way I was, but it was such a shock to hear that someone else liked me the way that I was.  With all my quirks.  Especially someone who was used to being around such perfect women all the time.

Even after that conversation, it was intimidating to get to know his sisters and Sister in laws.  There are 7 amazing women in his immediate family.  7!  That is a lot of women.  I think anyone would be intimidated to get to know them.  But upon getting to know them, I realized that not only were they beautiful, talented and organized, they were also kind.  I am sure I have offended them with my brash personality several times, but they didn't let on.  Instead they welcomed me in, and got to know me, and made me feel like I belonged.

I remember the best advice I received as a teenager.  My little thirteen year old heart was broken because I had seen the boy that I liked kissing another girl.  As I wallowed in sadness, one of my older girlfriends said to me, "Think about the traits that you like most about that person, and look for them in someone new."  This advice blew my mind.  What a concept, that two people can be completely different and both share the same desirable traits.

As the years have gone by, I have learned something about being around perfect women.  Rather than comparing one's self to them, or hating them, we should appreciate them, and learn from them.  And when observing a trait that we like in them, we can try to cultivate that trait in ourselves.  Not to change us to be exactly like them, but to improve ourselves to be our best version of ourselves, and to embody the traits that we find most appealing in others.

I am now so grateful for the wonderful women in my husband's family. They are always there for me, they give great advice. They hand me down all the amazing clothes their sons grow out of. They throw amazing parties. We are talking pin-worthy parties full of crafts that they came up with themselves. And they give really really good baby shower gifts.

Several years later, I was at a family event with my now husband, and his father referred to me as his son's Trophy Wife.  Me?!? I thought.  A trophy wife?  Have you seen me?  Have you seen your other daughters and daughters in law?  Have you seen your son?  I am not the trophy in this marriage.

I wondered; Does he think that, because I am so young compared to his son?  (we were 25 and 30 at the time)  Or does this man actually think that I am awesome?  Does he really see me as young, and beautiful, and a good wife for his son?  Wow, what a compliment.

As I have grown and matured, I have come to realize two things: Number one, knowing other awesome women is a blessing, and not a threat, and number two, just because you are a different brand of awesome, you can still be awesome in your own right.

This blog is all about my adventures in being a wife and a mother, and becoming my own version of my husband's Trophy Wife. My own brand of Awesome.


  1. You are an AWESOME Twit!

    love you bunches and bunches!

    1. Thank you Nichole! You are pretty awesome yourself.

  2. I like my trophy just the way I found her..

  3. You are so awesome!!! I am excited to follow you on this Blog journey :)

    1. Thank you! I think you are awesome too. Anyone who can give birth sitting in water is a rockstar in my book.