Word Vomit-Age Is Just A Number...Right?

For as long as I can remember, my Mother has not revealed her age to anyone. All through my childhood she maintained the position that she was 21 years old. I can remember strangers asking her age for various reasons and seeing her say with a straight face "Twenty One" without any further explanation or excuse. 

Word Vomit-Your Hair Looks Great!

Happy Word Vomit Monday!

The latest Word Vomit experience was submitted by a sweet girl who would like to remain anonymous. But don't worry, I know her story is legit. 

Word Vomit-Breaking A Universal Rule Of Conversation

Happy Word Vomit Monday Everyone!

There is a universal rule of conversation, which goes like this:

You do not complain to someone who has it worse than you.

For example. You do not tell a fat girl how fat you are. You do not complain to a new mother about how tired you are. And you do not tell someone in labor that they have no idea how much something hurt you.

There is a perfect example of this happening in this scene from Friends. (I apologize for the graphic details of labor contained in this scene, which you may not want to see if you are currently pregnant, or if you are not a fan of such things. So if you chose not to watch it, suffice it to say, that Ross breaks this universal rule of conversation.)

Clearly I understand this rule. But does my mouth know it? Obviously not...

Word Vomit-Conversation With A Tree Hugging Hippie

Happy Monday. At the end of my last Word Vomit Post, I opened up this series for submissions, and have enjoyed reading the results. It is so refreshing to feel that I am not alone in my suffering. That others out there also share my disease. 

Here is a story from one of my fellow sufferers. Sarah Bluestar:

--- So there I was, a college student at a trade school, which is known for being super touchy-feely and overall pretty woo woo, ya know. So I had a TA who was, beyond being brilliant at what he taught, and probably the most knowledgeable guy in Utah on the particular subject. The epitome of a tree-hugging hippie. 

Source

Word Vomit-My Trip To The Motherland

Recently I took a trip to the Motherland, the place where my Father was born, where many people who share my culture live, or return to, to attend college, and/or raise their families. I personally cannot live there. I need to live in California, because If I moved to the Motherland I would literally dry up like a fish in the desert. However I do enjoy visiting there often, to see my friends and family, to shop, and to feel like I am not the only one in the world like me.

Word Vomit-Blind in one eye

I was recently attending a football game with my Father-in-law.  I love that man.  He introduces me as his daughter.  I love that.  In fact if my husband turns out to be just like his dad, I won't mind at all.

When my father-in-law was just a boy, his brother shot him in the eye with a Bee-bee Gun.  Just like in the movie A Christmas Story the mother warns the boy.  "You'll shoot your eye out!"  

Word Vomit, The First On Record

Merry Christmas Party People!

As your Christmas gift this year, I am starting a series entitled "Word Vomit"

Enjoy!

I don't know what it is, but I occasionally will blurt out the worst possible thing in a situation.  And when I say worst, I mean the worst.  It is as if my subconscious is trying to sabotage me and all of my human interactions, by forcing me to blurt out terrible, horrible comments to the embarrassment of all who are present, and to the shame of my family, and ancestors, and basically everyone who has ever known me.

I have been doing it all my life.  I just can't seem to stop.

The way my mother describes it, is that as a child I would try to be funny like my Dad was, but instead of actually sounding funny I sounded insulting.

You would think that I would have figured out by now how to be funny without being insulting, but alas, even at 30 years old, I still fail miserably.

... and often.