Wednesday, December 31, 2014

2015 Is The Year I Become Good At Everything

I am sitting here by my beautifully lit tree probably for the last time. Because I probably won’t turn on the lights after today, since its getting pretty dry, and we have irrational fears of things lighting on fire around here. 

Both of my kids are napping at the same time right now, which obviously means the stars are aligned, so I have some time to write, reflect, and prepare my goals for next year.
I have recently come to the realization that modern day motherhood is about living in a constant state of being pulled in a million directions at once. So many expectations are placed on our role, and the extra side projects that many of us engage in with it. But rather than ball up in the fetal position between a pile of laundry, and the chair I’ve been meaning to put on Craigslist, I am going to face these challenges head on. All of them.

I don’t know how I’m gonna do it. Because even as I write this very post, the dog needs to be fed, the laundry needs to be switched, my sister is in labor, and I have an etsy order to finish. But I’m sure going to try. 

Now before you read any further, please remember who is writing this. It’s me, The TWIT.  I am not good at being a housewife, or a mother, or a responsible adult for that matter. I get ticket(s) for driving in the carpool lane alone. I let my son ride his scooter inside Hobby Lobby. Today I ate candy and tiny oranges for lunch, and if my Christmas tree lights on fire this week, it will be the fourth time the Fire department has been to my house in a year.

But 2015 is going to be different.

2015 is the year I become good at everything.

So without further ado, here is my list of New Year’s Resolutions.

1. Blog as often as possible
Like Everyday or so. Might not be pretty. Might not be good. But it's time to make it happen.

2. Instagram like it's my job
Specifically pictures of my toddler in ridiculously fashionable clothing, pics of me in whatever amazing outfit I threw on that day, and food pics from my new totally amazing meal plan #hole30.

3. Post on Facebook
Whenever I see a good meme that I didn’t make, which by sharing I will get tons of free likes.

4. Get Skinny (Who am I kidding)  
    Get Fit
By eating well, using Skinny Wraps, and Exercise. Yes this means I’m going to join the ranks of the masses at the gym in January. The people I used to hate for clogging up the treadmills from January 1st to February 14th. This year I’m gonna be one of those resolution band-wagoners. I’m still deciding between Pure Barre, and Stroller Strides. But if I’m being honest, I’ll probably just end up at the YMCA.

5. Be totally present with my kids
Give them all the love and attention I have while they are awake. So no one sees me at the park on my phone, and writes an open letter blog post about how I am missing their childhood. Then when my kids are in bed and all my love and patience are used up for the day, write snarky blog posts. Sorry Husband.

6. Wake up before the sun 
Do a bunch of stuff to make my life easier before the kids wake up. Like feed myself, brush my teeth, clean the whole house, and rewash whatever mildewed laundry got left in the washer yesterday.

7. Make a concerted effort to do all the chores I hate So I feel less like I am drowning in a sea of sucky-chore avoidance, and more like I am owning housewifedom. These include, folding all the laundry before it gets worn again, cleaning spilled milk out my car, hand washing the non-dishwasher safe dishes, and making a real meal for my family for dinner every night (not dino chicken nuggets and an applesauce squeeze pouch like I usually eat).

8. Never buy another dish that isn’t dishwasher safe In the words of some rad lady, “ Aint nobody got time for that!”

9. Get a nice camera
We can’t all be insanely talented with just an iPhone camera like Casey Leigh. So I need to get a nice one, and figure out how to take some amazing pics with it, so this blog looks less like a poorly lit, pixelated, hot mess.

10. Become a perfect hostess
Throw three epic, color coordinated, Dessert Table rocking, pin worthy, planned well ahead, prepared for little by little, super amazing, parties. And I actually have a great time at the party for it to count.

12. Get my Etsy Shop in gear
Have a consistent amount of orders coming in. I don’t want to be an Etsy Rockstar or anything, like the shop owners who Instagram pics of piles of packages ready to be shipped. In the words of Joey Cape, I’m “Going for the Bronze” here. I just want to sell enough to have some street cred with the other moms at the park. (But seriously I just need to make enough to pay for the Little Giant to go to preschool.) And to give me an excuse to craft during naptime every day. Instead of hand wash the stupid dishes.

13. Buy A House

14. Decorate The House
Fill up a Pinterest board with all the home décor ideas I want to use to decorate said house.
Decorate the house.
Take pictures of the decorated house and put them on this blog so everyone can pin them to Pinterest.
This is the circle of life Simba.

15. Buy all the things
That a quintessential Orange County housewife is supposed to have. I’ll blog a list of those tomorrow...soon.

16. Buy More Handmade

Especially t-shirts that  glorify being a Mom.

Like these, these, and this one for my kids. 

17. Have A Third Baby
Because three is the new two. Or at least it was ten years ago, so I am way behind the trend now.

18. Stop Using Colorful Language
It's time. 

19. Be Early To Everything
I have to. I cannot be that girl who is late to everything anymore. Because I am about to become that Mom who is late to everything, and that is just not the kind of Mom I want to be.

20. Report my progress 

On this blog.

Happy New year!
Signature photo TheTwitSignature.jpg

***No one paid me to say any of this stuff. And these are all my own opinions.***


  1. Ah I've missed you! Your new nephew is a doll face. Your sis did a good job.

    1. Thanks Sarah! You are I love your comments! Thank you for missing me. I'm ba-ack!

  2. I just started reading your blogs today, this is my first. I know too well how you feel about dishes,I can't wait to read more